I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
