just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
