Your mouth is God's brothel.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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