I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
