If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All the doctor said was why
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
