Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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