he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
