I am midnight drunk by noon
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Are my feet made of real feet?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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