oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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