OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
