I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
