Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
