So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
