I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
