I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think people are normalizing furries
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
