Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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