found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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