Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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