3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
