so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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