Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
