I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I looked at my own cervix.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
