Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
