Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
