It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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