By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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