I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it glows. i had to have it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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