I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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