Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
