remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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