rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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