Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
