Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
