and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
