You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
