what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
