i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
