don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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