I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
