can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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