She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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