You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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