Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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