It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
