The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
