at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
