I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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