Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
