would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
