thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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