i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
