She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
