Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Someone signed my nipple.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
