They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
