I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His hands were made for my vagina.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
