Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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