Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
