she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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