sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
PANTIES FOUND
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