I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
