Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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