The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
