if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
