I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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