Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
