i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
