whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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