Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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