He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
