he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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