Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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