counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
