put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
